Disappointment Stinks

      I have been looking forward to spring since December 26^th. As soon as Christmas is over, winter loses all the enchantment and wonder it briefly held and becomes an endless cycle of dreary skies and slushy sidewalks. Since we moved to our home in January, we were anticipating spring even more in order to have the chance to explore our new surroundings.  Fortunately for us, we moved to a location with a slightly milder climate and an earlier spring (at least compared to our Nebraska friends and family). 

      As our yard began to transform this year, I became even more excited at the possibility that both of the trees in our front yard would be flowering trees.  Each day, I would take the kids outside and we would inspect the buds, waiting patiently for the flowers to take their place. Soon, the day came.  The flowers began to open and the trees became my sign that spring had truly sprung. 

      A week later, while playing outside with the kids on a breezy afternoon, I couldn’t get over the noxious smell that seemed to be wafting our direction.  I courageously opened the trash cans thinking Jarod had inadvertently placed the fish remains from his last fishing escapade in one of the barrels.  Nothing.  I continued to sniff around our yard determined to find the source of this unflattering aroma, and you guessed it…my wonderfully beautiful, greatly anticipated symbol of spring was the culprit of the foul odor. (Not only that, but there were so many bees and flies swarming the tree that we could hear the buzzing noise a good 20 feet away!)

      I don’t know about you, but this tree business wasn’t my first disappointment in life and it certainly was not the most heartbreaking. I’ve been passed over for dates to school dances, I haven’t always made every team I’ve tried out for, and my dream to change the world through the title of Miss America never panned out, either.

      About a year and a half ago, Jarod and I sat in an exam room anxiously waiting to hear from a doctor.  In just a few short words, our hopes for our unborn baby were replaced with devastating disappointment and heartbreak.  Our baby had no heartbeat. 

      We were just a day and a half from announcing our pregnancy to our friends, to make it “facebook official” as the kids say.  In the weeks to come, we smiled and gave words of congratulations as four of our friends announced their pregnancies. 

      I’d be lying if I said I don’t ever wonder or question God about the loss of our baby.   I want some answer that justifies it all. The truth is I probably won’t get it because disappointment and heartbreak are part of our lives.  Sometimes it is felt in big ways; sometimes you smell it in a disappointing tree.  In any case, I have chosen to believe what is written in Romans 8:28, “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”

      I believe that even in the midst of disappointment and heartbreak, God is working.  Not only is he working, but he is working for my good.  Being passed up for a school dance made being chosen by my husband even sweeter.  Not making a team made me work harder, practice longer, and persevere. The loss of our sweet child made me put my faith into action, to intentionally choose to follow what I said I believed even when it was hard. 

      I’m still not sure what purpose that smelly old tree will serve, except to remind me that disappointments and heartbreak don’t have to be a waste.  Sometimes they really stink, but God is working…in all things. 

Band-Aids and Ladybugs

     Today one of my children gagged on an old Band-Aid and the other lost a pocketful of ladybugs somewhere in my house. My son changed his clothes three times, one for his trip to the library, one to play firefighter, and the third because he was a soldier. My daughter has learned to crawl and finds every disgusting thing I have overlooked in my lack of housekeeping in the past week…hence the Band-Aid episode.  My counters are permanently sticky, there are endless baskets of laundry (probably because my son changes his clothes three times a day), and the kids’ toys are constantly scattered everywhere. My body isn’t what it used to be and let’s face it, neither is my mind.  Most of my wardrobe is slightly dated. I have a “secret” stash of chocolate chips in the cupboard, and I actually counted jumping on the trampoline with my three-year-old as a work out last week.

       As a parent of young children, I have been lectured more times than I can count about the importance of cherishing this time with my children. I have to admit, there are times in the middle of this season of my life when I don’t want to treasure the moment, I want to fast-forward or at least medicate my incompetence with handfuls of semi-sweet chocolate chips.

      Life with children is not glamorous.  In fact, sometimes it is just downright exhausting. However, I don’t want to look back at this time in my life full of regret, so I am determined to treasure these moments in my heart no matter how tired I may be.

      I’ve discovered the reason people can look back on this season of their lives with such fondness is because they've forgotten about the tantrums, selective hearing, diaper blow outs, and dirty laundry. (I’m kidding!) They have “forgotten” those things because they treasured the look on their baby’s face when she realized she could pull herself up to see out the window and their little boy’s pride in rescuing his mom from another imaginary fire.  They stopped dwelling on the messy house and focused on what really mattered.

      I know I won’t look back and wish I’d done just one more load of laundry.  I won’t care about the trends I missed or even that somewhere on the first floor of my home there is a colony of ladybugs preparing to take over.  I want to remember kissing my daughter’s chubby feet and bug-watching with my son.  I want to remember the important stuff.

Lord, help me to cherish this season of my life.  Give me the energy, strength, and perspective I need to see what’s really important and let my kids know how much they are truly loved.

Failures of a Wanna-Be Pinterest Mommy

As a parent, I don't just want to get it right.  I want to do a good job and be Super Mom...I want to be "Pinterest Mommy".  You know, the lady who does incredibly cute crafts and science projects with her kids, the woman who has endless creativity and the pictures to prove it.  Oh, I do the projects and I even attempt to get the pictures, but somehow my Pinterest Mommy skills end up looking like the pictures that are sarcastically captioned, “nailed it”.  

  

 It seems that every time I have a parenting fail, someone is quick to offer their nugget of parental wisdom. For everyone’s own good, sometimes some of that advice just has to be let go.  (Like when an older woman suggests giving whiskey to your teething baby.) There are times though, when someone gives you a word of advice so profound, it shakes your parenting to the core.  I present to you today, the top 7 parenting gems that have rocked my parenting world...and that you probably won't find on Pinterest.

1.  Dumber people have done this.

Are you the dumbest person you know?  Chances are, no.  Think of someone dumber than you who is also a parent.  Now you’re tracking with me…you can do this!  If I ever truly doubt my ability to parent, I remember this piece of advice. Dumber people have raised children.

2.  Most people don’t have memories before the age of three.

Even if you mess up pretty big, chances are they won’t even remember it!  (At least not while they’re young.)  So go ahead, practice your parenting.  You can always try again tomorrow.

3.   Never underestimate the importance of poop.

 Let’s face it, when you’re the parent of a baby, you know the time, color, and consistency of every poop for the first two weeks of your baby’s life. Our pediatrician once told us to never underestimate the importance of a baby pooping. If you have nothing else to celebrate that day, you know you’re still doing O.K. if your little one has pooped.  At the very least, you know you’ve at least kept them alive.

4 .  They won’t do _____________ forever.

For us, the blank is sleep in your bed.  As one wise woman told us, “He’ll either sleep there until it’s uncomfortable or his friends make fun of him.  Either way, I’ve never heard of a 16 year old who still sleeps with his parents. He won’t do it forever.”  So take heart, I’ve never heard of a 16 year old who still sucks on a pacifier, wets his pants, or whatever hang-up our kids have right now.

5.  Who cares as long as they’re sleeping?

Sleep is possibly the single most coveted commodity among parents.  I used to stress about the bad sleep habits I was creating with our son.  Then, I realized I was a much nicer mom when I’d had some sleep and my kids are much easier to get along with as well.  So, I took on the mantra that was passed along to me, “Who cares as long as they’re sleeping?”  Besides, they won’t do this forever.  Right?

6.  The days (and sometimes nights) are long, but the years are short.

I have never heard a parent tell me that their years as a parent to little ones went by so agonizingly slow they would never want a moment back.  I hear over and over, “Cherish this time.  It goes by too quickly.”  It does me well in the midst of a long day to look over how quickly time has already passed with my precious children and to remember that even in the midst of long days, time has flown by. 

7.  You are the parent your child needs.

It was no accident that I am Ronan and Emersyn’s mommy.  No matter how many epic fails I make as a Pinterest Mommy, my kids still need me. Even if I’m not perfect in my execution, I can teach them through my mistakes.  I can love them and be exactly who they need, their mom.

Lord, help me to be the parent my children need, and fill in the gaps where I’m not enough.