In A World With No Target...

      Have you ever noticed that God has a way of giving us our desires but not at all the way we would have planned? Take for instance how I ended up living in the country, outside an itty-bitty town in Southern Illinois.

     Trust me, this is the LAST place I would have ever considered moving.  In fact, on the list of potential places to be moved…this was the last place I considered living.  I made it very clear that I would NOT move to Illinois, that I would NOT live in a small town, that I would NOT live in the country, and that we would NOT rent after owning our home. Apparently God didn’t get the memo because like I said, sometimes things turn out the way we want, but not anything like we planned.

     Our life was pretty good back home.  We lived in a friendly neighborhood with neighbors who cared about us and a Target just blocks away.  We said goodbye to close family who could get in our business whenever they wanted. We said goodbye to an awesome church family where our kids knew who to hit up if they needed to get into the stash of chocolate donuts. We left a town that had become home and a house that held a lot of precious memories.  It was hard to say good-bye. I wasn’t sure how God was going to work for good in this move, but one thing I learned was that God is never going to take something good away unless He’s got something bigger planned.

Who needs the zoo when
everyone you know owns livestock?

     So, here I am…in Illinois…outside an itty-bitty town…in the country…in a rental home…and I’m content.

 Our house is better than anything I hoped to buy. It turns out that the itty-bitty town we landed in doesn’t have a lot to offer in entertainment choices, but makes up for it with great people and community.  Our neighborhood looks a little different now, and I’d be lying if I said I don’t miss Target, but we have been blessed with some of the greatest neighbors you could ask for. While our kids have yet to find the chocolate donut lady in our new church family, we feel at home there.  We’ve been adopted by our friends here and we’re working to create new memories. I’m content.  God took us away from what was good, but He’s blessed us here far greater than we could have hoped for.

One of the perks of having
a farmer for a neighbor

 I don’t think we’ve completely discovered what God has planned for us here, but I have a feeling we won’t be disappointed. (Unless it involves camo...I mean, a girl has to draw the line somewhere. :)) God knows the deepest desires of my heart, and while He doesn’t always work for my comfort, He always works for my good…even if it isn’t exactly how I planned. 

Lord, thank you for our new home.  Thank you for new friends, new neighbors, and new experiences.  Thank you for understanding my heart and not listening to my plans!

Why, yes!  Those sexy boots
are new!

And a word of caution to our family back home in Nebraska: You can pray us back if you want, but beware.  We may just pray you here instead!

      

     

Scare Tactics and Angry Mom Whispers

      You know that feeling you get  when you wonder if everything you’re doing as a parent is going to completely scar your children for life?  I’ve had that feeling a lot lately.  Maybe it’s because I have a baby who is still teething and is a little fussier than usual, maybe it’s because I’m learning that three is going to be worse than terrible two’s, or maybe the love that was showered on me last Sunday has made me reevaluate my skills as a mother.  Whatever the reason, I’m fairly certain my kids are going to end up a train wreck by 25. 

      A few weeks ago, I made May Day baskets to deliver to our neighbors.  I pulled the kids in the wagon in 90 degree heat…before naptime.  My first mistake was making May Day baskets to deliver to our neighbors.  My next mistake was pulling a wagon in 90 degree heat.  My biggest mistake was underestimating the grave importance of naptime in our home.  After explaining how to hang the basket and run quickly back to the wagon 852 times, snatching the paper baskets from my 8 month old daughter’s mouth 253 times, and re-explaining how to hang the basket and run quickly back to the wagon another 378 times, we finally arrived to deliver our first basket. This was the moment, that glorious moment when I would pass down one of my childhood memories to my children.

Don't let their cute, little faces fool you...
they know how to make your hair turn gray!

He was so sweet walking up to the door… the wrong door. He was going to the wrong door!  After being redirected and making it to the right door, he couldn’t reach the door handle or the doorbell.  So, 25 pound baby in tow, I helped him hang the basket and ran quickly back to the wagon…with Ronan stopping behind to look at the yard decorations, play in the bird bath, and pick up a new rock for his collection.   

      Now this is the moment I scar my kids for life…I whispered angrily to him.  (You know what I’m talking about don’t you?  The “angry mom whisper”.  It doesn’t really mask the volume all that well, but adds extra emphasis and a terrible hissing sound that is supposed to sound more threatening than it really is. We’re really big into scare tactics around here.) So, I’m whispering angrily at Ronan telling him once again how we’re supposed to run from the house so we don’t get caught and when we stop to play in their bird bath they could catch us.  And letting him know how he’s ruining the game if he doesn’t play right…and blah, blah, blah. I really like to drive home my point on these mom tirades, so I keep saying the same thing over and over in different ways because we all know a three-year-old has an excellent attention span and lecturing is the most effective way to change their behavior…repeat this cycle four more times with various lawn ornaments and the occasional warning about how walking in people’s grass is rude and that about sums up our May Day experience.

      By the time we got home, I swore I would never observe another May Day as long as I was alive, to which Ronan replied, “We still have another basket to deliver…” 

      Just this morning I had another Anti-Fun-Mommy moment.  I felt so guilty after it happened.  It ended with everyone in tears and I knew I needed to refocus and collect myself before I could go on with the day.  I had a heart-to-heart with God and was reminded that I needed to refuel for the day.  So I opened my bible and this is what I read,

“He tends his flock like a shepherd:
    He gathers the lambs in his arms
and carries them close to his heart;
 he gently leads those that have young.”

-Isaiah 40:11

      I don’t know about you, but I find this verse so comforting.  He’s leading me, not in a judgmental way, humiliating me when I fail to live up to the measure of a perfect mom, but gently.  God understands my desire to be a great mom, he understands my shortcomings and tendency to suck the fun out of should-be great moments, and it seems He also understands that having kids is tough…so He gently leads...Presumably not through the grass or with a loud mom whisper, but gently leading me so that I may lead them.

Lord, thank you for your understanding.  Thank you for your gentleness.  And thank you for leading me in these tough moments with little ones. 

I'm in Love with Another Man...

      I love my husband.  I really do. He works incredibly hard, not because he can earn more money, but because he knows people are counting on him.  He plays tirelessly with our children, seemingly trying to make up for the time he missed while away at work.  He has unending patience, of which I am slightly envious.  He’s the guy who stops to offer help when you’re stranded on the side of the road, even though I’m not sure he even really knows all that much about cars.  My husband can tell a story better than Paul Harvey, mostly because he’s told each one he knows at least 18 times.  He has the gift of making a friend with anyone and everyone.  I married that guy…a really great guy.

      After my confession a few weeks ago about going temporarily insane and unleashing the fury of a thousand beasts on my husband, you are probably more convinced than ever that I really am a nut case. While my husband is great, he also has a few shortcomings. My husband is incredibly forgetful, perpetually late, and not nearly as romantic as I’d like him to be sometimes. I’m not trying to rag on my husband, but just like me, he has some shortcomings.

     I can honestly remember the first time Jarod got on my nerves.  I remember thinking, “Do I really love this guy?...Did I let my emotions get ahead of my brain?...Has he been like this the entire time?” (The answer to all of those questions is YES!.)

      When we first met…

well at least when we first began dating at the ripe old ages of 19 and 20, Jarod had not a single flaw, blemish, or quirk to him.  He was utterly perfect…and then one day he wasn’t, and I realized very quickly what my parents and grandparents had taught me about love.  It’s a choice, a commitment.  I really had to do a gut-check in that moment.  Do his great qualities outweigh those I found incredibly irritating?  Fortunately for us, they did. 

      I say all this because as I was recently praying for Jarod, I realized I was in love with someone else. Occasionally, I use a card printed by Family Life Publishing called Lifting My Husband Through Prayer to pray for Jarod.  On the backside is a section entitled Praying for Myself as a Wife.  Toward the end of this section the prayer says, “Help me to accept him (my husband) the way he is and not try to change him…I leave any changing that needs to be done in your hands, fully accepting that neither of us is perfect and never will be.  Only you, Lord, are perfect and I look to you to perfect us.” 

      As I was praying this, I had one of those moments when it felt like God was actually speaking to me.  Our conversation went something like this:

      God: Do you think you really accept Jarod the way he is? Do you really love Jarod?

      Me: Of course I love Jarod.  He’s my husband.

      God: I know he’s your husband.  I was there. 

      Me: Right, yeah, I know that.  And yes, I love him.  We tell each other that every day and sometimes we even send cute texts to each other.  I mean, not very often, and I’m usually the one to send the texts because I tend to be a little more thoughtful and romantic.  And he forgets to text back because he forgets everything.  But yes, I love him.

      God: No, I mean do you love Jarod?  Do you love him the way he is…right now.  Not the Jarod you want him to be, think he should be, expect him to be.  Do you love the man I gave you as your husband, right now.  You wonder why you’re so frustrated and why you feel like sometimes your needs aren’t met.  It’s because you love the Jarod you think he should be.  You don’t always love the Jarod I created.  I am molding, transforming, and working in both of you, perfecting you together.  Love him and accept him exactly as he is today…not who you think I’ll make him in 10 years.

      That’s when I realized I was in love with someone else.  I was in love with the husband I had created with unrealistic expectations.  (So for those of you who have gotten this far, reading to hear about some sordid affair, I’m sorry to disappoint you.)

      My prayer has changed.  My perspective has changed.  My love has changed. I love my husband.  I really do.

      “Lord, help me to love and accept my husband exactly how he is and not try to change him…I leave any changing that needs to be done in your hands.  Lord, perfect us together.”   

 

Cheese and Fine Non-Alcoholic Wine

     If you’re married with kids, especially young kids, you know that “dating” your spouse is something like an urban legend. My husband and I haven’t exactly mastered the art of dating since having children.  Had we known how elusive dating would be after our son arrived, I can say without doubt that we would have spent fewer nights in the basement watching How I Met Your Mother and more nights above ground, outside  our home. 

      It turns out that the more kids you have, the harder dating becomes.  Not only does the cost of a babysitter go up, but the energy you thought your older child was robbing from you was nothing compared to the damage that two of them can accomplish. 

As parenting and dating have gotten trickier, we have learned the importance of creative dating. Because finances, scheduling, and family-time are all important, sometimes you have to think a little outside the box in order to get a little time with your love.   I have put together a description of a few dates Jarod and I have tried out in our effort to master creative dating.  I have gotten some of my ideas from books, movies, and the internet.  One of my favorite sites for great ideas is: www.thedatingdivas.com  Be warned, some of the dates are definitely cheesy, so you need a partner who is willing to be a good sport, but I think Jarod and I would both agree that some of most fun dates we’ve had are at home after the kids are asleep.

Secret Agent Date: Get a couple of water guns from the dollar store, make a target or flag, and leave a note with a Secret Mission statement for your date. Each of you has an allotted amount of time to hide your target. The mission is to find your partner’s target before they find yours.  The water guns are your weapon to “freeze” your partner for a specified amount of time and give you a chance to continue searching for their target.  After your mission is complete (we played several rounds), watch a movie to fit your theme.  (One of the Bond movies, Get Smart, or whatever you can think of.)  We also had mocktinis (shaken, not stirred) and Rice Crispy Treats (Snap, Crackle, Pop!)for our movie snack.  Make up your own rules and mission, but hopefully this gets your creative wheels turning.

Slumber Party for Two: Break out your Twister board, or make your own living room sized board by cutting circles from construction paper and securing them to your floor.  Go to: www.reiki-group.co.uk/twister/v0.1/ for a free twister caller to ensure fair play for everyone.  Add your own twist to the game by adding your own spicy rules for play.  (Please don’t make me come out and say it, my mom reads this!)  If you play the game right, you probably won’t need this next step, but you can save it for later if you want.  Break out your sleeping bags, pop some popcorn, and make a “Suicide” with your favorite sodas while watching a flick from your yesteryears.  (Might I suggest an 80s classic…) 

      Wild Wild West: Find some boots, a hat, anything to make you look like the cowboy you are and get ready for some Old West Fun.  Set up an aluminum can pyramid and use rubber bands to see who the real sharp-shooter in your house is.  Tune in to some country music and have a hoe down.  When you’re done, turn on an old western (or a modern one), open up a bottle of IBC root beer, and chow down on some jerky.

      Spa Night: Set the mood with candles, soft music, chocolate, and a fluffy robe.  Offer your date the “Full Spa Package” which includes a full body massage and, once again, my mom read this so I’ll just let you connect the dots.

      Picnic for Two: Pack a light picnic of grapes, cheese, and the finest non-alcoholic wine you can find.  (At our house, we call it grape juice.) Enjoy eating a meal together and have a full conversation without interruption. To give your date night a little more depth, you can Google “conversation starters for couples” or head over to: www.marriagemissions.com where they have an article full of great questions as well as links to find more.   

       Some other great ideas are star gazing, indoor camping, Mom Prom, breakfast in bed (at night), cooking together, Hide and Seek…Get creative, get planning, and set an alarm…so when you fall asleep putting the kids to bed you still have time for a date!

Disappointment Stinks

      I have been looking forward to spring since December 26^th. As soon as Christmas is over, winter loses all the enchantment and wonder it briefly held and becomes an endless cycle of dreary skies and slushy sidewalks. Since we moved to our home in January, we were anticipating spring even more in order to have the chance to explore our new surroundings.  Fortunately for us, we moved to a location with a slightly milder climate and an earlier spring (at least compared to our Nebraska friends and family). 

      As our yard began to transform this year, I became even more excited at the possibility that both of the trees in our front yard would be flowering trees.  Each day, I would take the kids outside and we would inspect the buds, waiting patiently for the flowers to take their place. Soon, the day came.  The flowers began to open and the trees became my sign that spring had truly sprung. 

      A week later, while playing outside with the kids on a breezy afternoon, I couldn’t get over the noxious smell that seemed to be wafting our direction.  I courageously opened the trash cans thinking Jarod had inadvertently placed the fish remains from his last fishing escapade in one of the barrels.  Nothing.  I continued to sniff around our yard determined to find the source of this unflattering aroma, and you guessed it…my wonderfully beautiful, greatly anticipated symbol of spring was the culprit of the foul odor. (Not only that, but there were so many bees and flies swarming the tree that we could hear the buzzing noise a good 20 feet away!)

      I don’t know about you, but this tree business wasn’t my first disappointment in life and it certainly was not the most heartbreaking. I’ve been passed over for dates to school dances, I haven’t always made every team I’ve tried out for, and my dream to change the world through the title of Miss America never panned out, either.

      About a year and a half ago, Jarod and I sat in an exam room anxiously waiting to hear from a doctor.  In just a few short words, our hopes for our unborn baby were replaced with devastating disappointment and heartbreak.  Our baby had no heartbeat. 

      We were just a day and a half from announcing our pregnancy to our friends, to make it “facebook official” as the kids say.  In the weeks to come, we smiled and gave words of congratulations as four of our friends announced their pregnancies. 

      I’d be lying if I said I don’t ever wonder or question God about the loss of our baby.   I want some answer that justifies it all. The truth is I probably won’t get it because disappointment and heartbreak are part of our lives.  Sometimes it is felt in big ways; sometimes you smell it in a disappointing tree.  In any case, I have chosen to believe what is written in Romans 8:28, “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”

      I believe that even in the midst of disappointment and heartbreak, God is working.  Not only is he working, but he is working for my good.  Being passed up for a school dance made being chosen by my husband even sweeter.  Not making a team made me work harder, practice longer, and persevere. The loss of our sweet child made me put my faith into action, to intentionally choose to follow what I said I believed even when it was hard. 

      I’m still not sure what purpose that smelly old tree will serve, except to remind me that disappointments and heartbreak don’t have to be a waste.  Sometimes they really stink, but God is working…in all things. 

Band-Aids and Ladybugs

     Today one of my children gagged on an old Band-Aid and the other lost a pocketful of ladybugs somewhere in my house. My son changed his clothes three times, one for his trip to the library, one to play firefighter, and the third because he was a soldier. My daughter has learned to crawl and finds every disgusting thing I have overlooked in my lack of housekeeping in the past week…hence the Band-Aid episode.  My counters are permanently sticky, there are endless baskets of laundry (probably because my son changes his clothes three times a day), and the kids’ toys are constantly scattered everywhere. My body isn’t what it used to be and let’s face it, neither is my mind.  Most of my wardrobe is slightly dated. I have a “secret” stash of chocolate chips in the cupboard, and I actually counted jumping on the trampoline with my three-year-old as a work out last week.

       As a parent of young children, I have been lectured more times than I can count about the importance of cherishing this time with my children. I have to admit, there are times in the middle of this season of my life when I don’t want to treasure the moment, I want to fast-forward or at least medicate my incompetence with handfuls of semi-sweet chocolate chips.

      Life with children is not glamorous.  In fact, sometimes it is just downright exhausting. However, I don’t want to look back at this time in my life full of regret, so I am determined to treasure these moments in my heart no matter how tired I may be.

      I’ve discovered the reason people can look back on this season of their lives with such fondness is because they've forgotten about the tantrums, selective hearing, diaper blow outs, and dirty laundry. (I’m kidding!) They have “forgotten” those things because they treasured the look on their baby’s face when she realized she could pull herself up to see out the window and their little boy’s pride in rescuing his mom from another imaginary fire.  They stopped dwelling on the messy house and focused on what really mattered.

      I know I won’t look back and wish I’d done just one more load of laundry.  I won’t care about the trends I missed or even that somewhere on the first floor of my home there is a colony of ladybugs preparing to take over.  I want to remember kissing my daughter’s chubby feet and bug-watching with my son.  I want to remember the important stuff.

Lord, help me to cherish this season of my life.  Give me the energy, strength, and perspective I need to see what’s really important and let my kids know how much they are truly loved.

Failures of a Wanna-Be Pinterest Mommy

As a parent, I don't just want to get it right.  I want to do a good job and be Super Mom...I want to be "Pinterest Mommy".  You know, the lady who does incredibly cute crafts and science projects with her kids, the woman who has endless creativity and the pictures to prove it.  Oh, I do the projects and I even attempt to get the pictures, but somehow my Pinterest Mommy skills end up looking like the pictures that are sarcastically captioned, “nailed it”.  

  

 It seems that every time I have a parenting fail, someone is quick to offer their nugget of parental wisdom. For everyone’s own good, sometimes some of that advice just has to be let go.  (Like when an older woman suggests giving whiskey to your teething baby.) There are times though, when someone gives you a word of advice so profound, it shakes your parenting to the core.  I present to you today, the top 7 parenting gems that have rocked my parenting world...and that you probably won't find on Pinterest.

1.  Dumber people have done this.

Are you the dumbest person you know?  Chances are, no.  Think of someone dumber than you who is also a parent.  Now you’re tracking with me…you can do this!  If I ever truly doubt my ability to parent, I remember this piece of advice. Dumber people have raised children.

2.  Most people don’t have memories before the age of three.

Even if you mess up pretty big, chances are they won’t even remember it!  (At least not while they’re young.)  So go ahead, practice your parenting.  You can always try again tomorrow.

3.   Never underestimate the importance of poop.

 Let’s face it, when you’re the parent of a baby, you know the time, color, and consistency of every poop for the first two weeks of your baby’s life. Our pediatrician once told us to never underestimate the importance of a baby pooping. If you have nothing else to celebrate that day, you know you’re still doing O.K. if your little one has pooped.  At the very least, you know you’ve at least kept them alive.

4 .  They won’t do _____________ forever.

For us, the blank is sleep in your bed.  As one wise woman told us, “He’ll either sleep there until it’s uncomfortable or his friends make fun of him.  Either way, I’ve never heard of a 16 year old who still sleeps with his parents. He won’t do it forever.”  So take heart, I’ve never heard of a 16 year old who still sucks on a pacifier, wets his pants, or whatever hang-up our kids have right now.

5.  Who cares as long as they’re sleeping?

Sleep is possibly the single most coveted commodity among parents.  I used to stress about the bad sleep habits I was creating with our son.  Then, I realized I was a much nicer mom when I’d had some sleep and my kids are much easier to get along with as well.  So, I took on the mantra that was passed along to me, “Who cares as long as they’re sleeping?”  Besides, they won’t do this forever.  Right?

6.  The days (and sometimes nights) are long, but the years are short.

I have never heard a parent tell me that their years as a parent to little ones went by so agonizingly slow they would never want a moment back.  I hear over and over, “Cherish this time.  It goes by too quickly.”  It does me well in the midst of a long day to look over how quickly time has already passed with my precious children and to remember that even in the midst of long days, time has flown by. 

7.  You are the parent your child needs.

It was no accident that I am Ronan and Emersyn’s mommy.  No matter how many epic fails I make as a Pinterest Mommy, my kids still need me. Even if I’m not perfect in my execution, I can teach them through my mistakes.  I can love them and be exactly who they need, their mom.

Lord, help me to be the parent my children need, and fill in the gaps where I’m not enough.