I'm in Love with Another Man...

      I love my husband.  I really do. He works incredibly hard, not because he can earn more money, but because he knows people are counting on him.  He plays tirelessly with our children, seemingly trying to make up for the time he missed while away at work.  He has unending patience, of which I am slightly envious.  He’s the guy who stops to offer help when you’re stranded on the side of the road, even though I’m not sure he even really knows all that much about cars.  My husband can tell a story better than Paul Harvey, mostly because he’s told each one he knows at least 18 times.  He has the gift of making a friend with anyone and everyone.  I married that guy…a really great guy.

      After my confession a few weeks ago about going temporarily insane and unleashing the fury of a thousand beasts on my husband, you are probably more convinced than ever that I really am a nut case. While my husband is great, he also has a few shortcomings. My husband is incredibly forgetful, perpetually late, and not nearly as romantic as I’d like him to be sometimes. I’m not trying to rag on my husband, but just like me, he has some shortcomings.

     I can honestly remember the first time Jarod got on my nerves.  I remember thinking, “Do I really love this guy?...Did I let my emotions get ahead of my brain?...Has he been like this the entire time?” (The answer to all of those questions is YES!.)

      When we first met…

well at least when we first began dating at the ripe old ages of 19 and 20, Jarod had not a single flaw, blemish, or quirk to him.  He was utterly perfect…and then one day he wasn’t, and I realized very quickly what my parents and grandparents had taught me about love.  It’s a choice, a commitment.  I really had to do a gut-check in that moment.  Do his great qualities outweigh those I found incredibly irritating?  Fortunately for us, they did. 

      I say all this because as I was recently praying for Jarod, I realized I was in love with someone else. Occasionally, I use a card printed by Family Life Publishing called Lifting My Husband Through Prayer to pray for Jarod.  On the backside is a section entitled Praying for Myself as a Wife.  Toward the end of this section the prayer says, “Help me to accept him (my husband) the way he is and not try to change him…I leave any changing that needs to be done in your hands, fully accepting that neither of us is perfect and never will be.  Only you, Lord, are perfect and I look to you to perfect us.” 

      As I was praying this, I had one of those moments when it felt like God was actually speaking to me.  Our conversation went something like this:

      God: Do you think you really accept Jarod the way he is? Do you really love Jarod?

      Me: Of course I love Jarod.  He’s my husband.

      God: I know he’s your husband.  I was there. 

      Me: Right, yeah, I know that.  And yes, I love him.  We tell each other that every day and sometimes we even send cute texts to each other.  I mean, not very often, and I’m usually the one to send the texts because I tend to be a little more thoughtful and romantic.  And he forgets to text back because he forgets everything.  But yes, I love him.

      God: No, I mean do you love Jarod?  Do you love him the way he is…right now.  Not the Jarod you want him to be, think he should be, expect him to be.  Do you love the man I gave you as your husband, right now.  You wonder why you’re so frustrated and why you feel like sometimes your needs aren’t met.  It’s because you love the Jarod you think he should be.  You don’t always love the Jarod I created.  I am molding, transforming, and working in both of you, perfecting you together.  Love him and accept him exactly as he is today…not who you think I’ll make him in 10 years.

      That’s when I realized I was in love with someone else.  I was in love with the husband I had created with unrealistic expectations.  (So for those of you who have gotten this far, reading to hear about some sordid affair, I’m sorry to disappoint you.)

      My prayer has changed.  My perspective has changed.  My love has changed. I love my husband.  I really do.

      “Lord, help me to love and accept my husband exactly how he is and not try to change him…I leave any changing that needs to be done in your hands.  Lord, perfect us together.”