Confessions of a Closet Fangirl

{Let’s just get this out of the way…I’ve been a bad “blogger” friend.  I have been avoiding writing for quite a while.  At first, I couldn’t think of anything to write about.  And then when I did, I was too busy.  And before you roll your eyes, I’m not someone who pulls the “I’m too busy card” often…but seriously, the last 18 months of our lives have been OUT.OF.CONTROL!  And then when something would settle down long enough for me to sit down and write, I’d talk myself out of it because it had been so long…it’s embarrassing! (Besides, almost anything I’d write about I already told my mom and as I’ve said before, she could very well be the only one reading this.) So there are my excuses and my apology. I’ve had a recent reminder that bravery and transparency give others the permission to be brave and transparent.  When I originally started writing “out loud”, it took all of the bravery I had and it was the one definite place I gave myself permission to let it all hang out, as transparent as I could be.  So forgive me and let us all move on.}

I wouldn’t normally describe myself as the fangirl type.  (And if you have no idea what I’m talking about when I say fangirl, do yourself a HUGE favor and youtube “One Direction fangirl moments” or any variation of that!  You can thank me later! ) Like I said, I’ve never been a fangirl.  Because of my mom’s super-awesome 90’s American-Christian parenting, secular music was banned in my house, so the closest thing I got to a boy band was a Christian version called Plus One and believe me, it’s as terrible as it sounds.  I’m sure my mom would put this particular house rule in the category of over-zealous parenting along with her apology for not letting us celebrate Halloween, but who here hasn’t had a few over-the-top parenting moments? 

**I actually instated a rule at our house for a while that no kids were allowed to pray at dinner because I was tired of listening to them fight over who should get to talk to God first—I’m serious, people!  (Talk about screwing your kids up!) (Also, I love you, Mom!) 

Until two weeks ago, I thought it was strange that anyone would have a desire to meet a celebrity, ask them to sign their name to something, and feel like their life was somehow enhanced in a supernatural sort of way.  I simply did not get it. 

That is until my “celebrity” BFF, Jen Hatmaker, in the flesh, was in the same arena as I. (And if you don’t know who Jen is either, honestly people, I don’t know how to help you.  I can’t be your pop culture guide, I am missing an entire decade of music, remember?!)  Honest to goodness, I felt like a 15 year old girl at her very first concert!  (In every way…we couldn’t afford the good seats, so we had to settle for being so far up the lights were almost in our way…)  But then miracle of miracles, we were given closer seats, mere rows from that truth-tellin, hysterical, insightful, make you think woman! 

I will go to my grave saying that when we yelled her name, she actually waved AT.US.  (Not just at the crazed crowd…at.us!)

All this to say, my friends secured a place for me in her line, to meet her, to have her sign her name in my book!  (It’s still all a little weird, right?)  As I stood there, I couldn’t believe how ridiculous I was.  I was finding my breathing shallow, my hands a little trembly.  I was trying to decide what I’d say to her.  Should it be something clever?  Something deep?  Should I show her my sense of humor?  Ask her to coffee?

 If this is how boys feel when they go to ask a girl out for the first time, have mercy!  Those poor things! It’s a wonder the human race hasn’t ceased to exist!

When my turn finally came, I stammered something about reading her book and something about my husband and…I don’t even know!  It was all happening so fast and the security people and event volunteers were all in such a big hurry and they were telling us to look at the camera and she was clearly putting on a very nice front for all these weird women who thought they had some special connection to her and were saying all these cheesy, unimpressive things and I’m pretty sure she could sense the holiness of the moment we were about to have and right as we were about to embrace and she would tell me how she’d been waiting for a friend like me her entire life and we should get our families together for dinner…they were pushing me away and trying to usher the next person in!

Can you even? 

So, there you have it.  Confessions of a closet fangirl.  I had no idea I had it in me.  My only regret is that I didn’t hug her and refuse to let her go, much like my friend Celeste when she got to meet Sandi Patti.  She made the absolute most of her moment, dang it!  (Though she too, was forbidden from Halloween, she was/is a die-hard Backstreet Boys fan, so she had a slight edge on the fangirl market.)

Until we meet again, Jen…

 

Your BFFTYHNIEE,         

(Best Friend Forever That You Have No Idea Even Exists)

Autumn